Dodgems

Dizzying fizz in a whirl of energy

plastic coins in the slot as the melody stops

and the siren releases the next go.

Whirls and swirls, the passing expressions

stretch and smudge.

Their wild eyes and peaking grins glow

amidst the dashing frenzy.

Heads jolt and suspend in mid air

hair thrusts forward in the pit of gliding cars.

The thrill of the chase, cat and mouse

dance to the early morning.

And in the past and the present we look to the future

masked blue lights stagger the haze.

How many days? Struggling with acceptance.

Failure to accept reality, transported to a far off land

where our perfect lives were left unhurt.

We search the skies for signs that you're near

next to us, in front of us, behind us.

Waiting to catch us when we might fall.

From our make believe land where everything is fine,

just as we'd known, not a piece out of place.

Except the fit which made us whole.

Downpour.

The damp it floods outside the lines

which hem in the hurt and barricade the downpour.

Water level rises up, cuts the croak

saturates the sandbags and relieves the spill.

Varnished vision hazes over,

Washed.

Like soft pads of a trickling fingertip

they erode into the thirsting skin.

Crawling down from cheek to neck.

The salt it stays and dries upon the face

which wears an expression of loss

for what cannot be replaced. 

We packed the car as if staying for summer
to escape to your treasured haven.
Of solace, of rest, tucked away in a cocoon.

The rain it bounced as we hurried inside. 
You sat on your favourite chair and looked so happy
as natures canvas as your backdrop.
We tea drank from a pot and I cooked at 5.

The day turned to night and the light blotted out
we sat and talked and watched the bucket list.
Watching with conscious and understanding eyes,
dampened by the uplifting sentiments but undeniable heartache.

You drank brandy with warm water
and told me to have what I wanted. 
I bid you goodnight and saw you the next morning
sat up watching the television.

Eggs, bacon and sausage.  A walk all together along the peaked sands,
each breath so fresh.
We looked over our shoulders to see your heads over the greenery,
walking, linking, close as always. 

We waited for a table near to the window to watch the sunset.
Something told us that it had to be special. 
I didn't know what to choose
but you told me to be adventurous and try something new.

Then again the next day we strolled along the bay
and watched the fishing boats come and go.
We stood on the balcony and looked over at the castle.
We stepped back into the bridal fair and you thought
about renewing your vows.
The tables were laid beautifully with every detail perfectly in place.
Neither of us said it but inside I couldn't bear
to think that on my 'big day' you wouldn't be there.

Before we left you insisted on us having a photo using the new camera,
the sun came out and you put on your hat.
I hugged and kissed you and said goodbye,
you both stood there with your arms around each other waving.

Your motioning hand moving further and further away,
until you were out of sight.