Jot.

Writing as an outlet

writing to convey a voice

not necessarily my own

but one which plays on my consciousness.

Writing to explore an idea

a concept

which doesn't have to be developed

or debated to be heard.

No necessity for justification

or acceptance

just words on a page which hold relevance

at the point of inscription.

Upon reflection

2011 has been a truly memorable year for many reasons.  A year which has taught me invaluable lessons about life and growth. 


I left Hong Kong, my life, my purpose, my temporary home and went on an amazing adventure seeing things I never dreamt possible.  Jumped off boats in Halong Bay, trekked in the Thai jungle, met Elephants, ate snake in Beijing, swam in waterfalls, swayed along with the Guru in an Indian temple, ate Pho Bo like there was no tomorrow.  Saw Angkor Wat at sunset and sunrise. Visited children at an orphanage and witnessed joyful personalities just happy to have a home.  Witnessed the extreme evil that man can inflict upon others in Phnom Penh.  Experienced tropical paradise in its purest form.  Felt life at its most precious and most trying.  In this a poignant year of contrasts I have learnt more than I deemed possible. 

Often people wish for more from the year to come, and hope that it will be possible to avoid struggle and hardship.  In achieving this, a false ideal is created.  Life does not owe us any favours, its how we deal with difficulty which develops life's portrait and makes it that much more beautiful :)

Home again

Wilderness

Blank, uninspired, desire buried deep.  So deep that digging is an unachievable feat.  The soil is dry and thirsting for inspiration.  Nutrients stolen, snatched when she wasn't looking.  This barren ground for growth was a place she'd never been before.  Indecisive steps fail to lead to a place to pause and wait, until the crumbling soil sprouts to green and a pasture of new life. 

Flashback

Same whitewash frontage as it always was,


Brass numbers secured above the door.


The bay window unadorned, no reindeer transfers


or strings of bells dipping along the glass pane.




No bonsai bush in the front porch with delicate


metallic baubles that we used to love putting in place.

Christmas house dressing at Nan's was always a highlight of the festive build up.

Many years later I pause outside her house

and bask in a decades worth of memories from this annual tradition.

Flashback by flashback decorates

the blank canvas and again I recognise
where I am.

Merry Christmas Nan x

Wabi-sabi

"Three simple realities:

nothing lasts,

nothing is finished,

and nothing is perfect"

Sometimes she wonders if they are just idealistic.

If they really want, if they really believe.

The confusion accelerates the desire to pursue what might still be there.  Expectancy for what once was is a dangerous endeavour.

She must act with caution, don't lay your feelings exposed to be smudged like ink tarnishing the unflawed picture.

Maybe she wants to have flaws, take risks, allow herself to feel vulnerable to something which makes her feel different.

Feel a little bit uncertain.

We cannot protect ourselves from risk because this would mean sheltering ourselves from growth, from learning.  From life.

The Hour

She jolts awake, instantly alert.  Would never normally see this time of day on a Saturday.  She gathers the last of her possessions and stuffs them into the leaning suitcase.  Shuffling through the freshly laid snow she pulls the corrugated iron door and dumps the plastic bags of rubbish.  Only the dim, squinting light punctures the path as she makes her way back.  She sits and sips her frothing tea, watching the clock fingers hesitate.  Turns off the lights and says goodbye, turns the key and walks away.  Stands and waits in the stirring chill, inhaling the fresh, untarnished morning.  A sketchy outline scrapes the snow, clearing the ground.  She sees the surface and slides away to her next destination.  

Dasvidaniya for now...

My visa has almost expired and the festive season is slowly gathering momentum.  Anticipation, preparation for what is next.  I say goodbye to Moscow for a short while whilst I shy away from the pressing winter.  This new experience has been the most unpredictable, eye opening, mind broadening adventure I could have wished for.  Thank you Russia for welcoming me into your motherland... I will be back when the snow is melting, pining for the next instalment :) 

Here's To The Weekend

I have been very lucky to meet some wonderful people here in Moscow.  There is always the doubt that previous bonds and friendships cannot be found in yet another new destination.  The truth is that in these three months I have forged great friendships which I will treasure. 

I feel that sometimes fate brings people together and my best friend here Imogen has definitely been the greatest gift that I could wish for.  During the past few months we have have the most amazing time and racked up many a surreal moment during our nights out :)  So much fun and endless belly laughs which see us through to late Sunday morning every weekend! Memories to savour and I can't wait to add to them in 2012. 

See you in Miami Imonchika! x